


all this heaven never could describe such a feeling

by ghosstkid



Series: a lost love takes a long time to die [3]
Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 18:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30076224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosstkid/pseuds/ghosstkid
Summary: “You had a ball in Antarctica too. Did you dance then? In the snow?” Ann asks gently. James smiles tearfully.“Y-Yes,” he hiccups. “Yes, we danced in the snow.”“What was it like?” Ann asks. James glances down at her, still stunned by how beautiful she is; the sweet glowing pink of her gown, the softness of the lace and the intoxicating scent of roses. Moths flutter around the lanterns. His fingers trace the lace on her shoulder. “How did you and Francis dance, James?”
Relationships: Ann Coulman Ross/James Clark Ross, Francis Crozier/Ann Coulman Ross/James Clark Ross
Series: a lost love takes a long time to die [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2198901
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	all this heaven never could describe such a feeling

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song "all this and heaven too" by florence and the machine

Golden chandeliers twinkle like faraway stars. Laughter floats through the humid air, jarring and out of tune with the music drifting from the violins, cellos and harps. The tall doors have been opened, the party spilling out into the spring night; the delightful air scented with the smell of blooms drifts through the golden ballroom. 

James wishes to be out in that night air, strolling among the roses and admiring the stars overhead but he must be polite, must smile and greet those who approach him, curious and cautious; the valiant explorer who went to the furthest, coldest corners of the globe, but never quite found what he was looking for. 

He leans closer to Ann and her fluttering pink fan, a small relief from the humidity that threatens to suffocate him in his heavy, gilded uniform. Noticing him leaning over her shoulder, Ann lifts her hand higher, the fan’s cooling air drifting over her shoulder and playing with James’s strawberry curls. 

“How much longer must we stay?” James whispers, enviously watching a young couple escape the ballroom into the garden. He watches the young man in his new uniform; he still has yet to grow into it. He must feel invincible as he takes his lady’s hand and leads her into the night, his heart racing in his chest. 

So completely and utterly overwhelmed with love. 

James knows the feeling well. His left hand slips into his pocket, his fingers curling around the golden button resting there among the folds of navy blue wool. His right fingers interlock with Ann’s, the soft pink silk of her glove gentle against his fingers. 

“We will stay just a little longer, my love,” Ann says, her fan fluttering at an impossible speed. Its white lace reminds him of the gentle moths that flutter around the lanterns in their garden, worshipping the light with every wingbeat. Looking down at her, he is amazed by how she glows in the glittering light of the chandeliers. 

James straightens up, his gaze drifting around the dazzling room. The young couple has disappeared, no doubt finding a quiet place to whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears. 

A familiar laugh catches his attention. He turns, watching the group of officers and women in lovely gowns slowly advancing towards him and Ann. James’s fingers curl protectively around the button in his pocket. 

“I want to dance,” Ann says suddenly as she turns to him. 

“S-Should we at least say-“ Ann snaps her fan with a resounding crack as she takes her husband’s arm, whisking him onto the dance floor like a knight saving the damsel from the dragon’s clutches. 

They join the waltz before a single word can be said to them, spinning around and around in a blur of navy blue and pink satin. The steps come naturally, both of them having learned them long ago. A cacophony of colour surrounds them, other couples moving in time to the swelling music. 

One step out of time could be disastrous. 

Over Ann’s shoulder, he catches a glimpse of turquoise glimmering like sunlight off shallow, tropical waves. Lace lines the rippling fabric like sea foam. The woman’s blonde hair is pulled back sweetly but the look in her eyes is distant as she watches James. 

How lonely they are in this grand, glittering room. 

The button in James’s pocket feels heavier.

Sophia’s attention is pulled away, freeing James from her haunted gaze. 

The music comes to an end, a rush of applause sweeping through the hall. 

“Shall we go?” Ann asks gently.

James nods. 

He holds his breath until they are finally free of the gilded room, descending the steps to the gravel drive, his navy blue cloak hardly needed in the warm spring night. He holds Ann’s hand tightly as she climbs into their carriage and he bundles himself in after her, letting her tiered pink skirts spill over him. The carriage wheels rattle over the gravelly road and soon the whole affair is behind them. 

James leans his head in his hand as he stares out the window at the dark, sleepy world. The thought of checking his watch to see just how late it is fills him with dread. He is content simply to let his eyelids droop, his thumb rubbing sleepy circles over Ann’s pink, silken fingers. 

“Parties never seem to be like what they used to..." Ann sighs. "We have been to some rather fun balls before… do you remember, my love?” She smiles as she leans her head against his shoulder. He can smell the pink rose in her hair, picked from their garden for the occasion. 

“I remember,” James says softly. 

“Do you remember how we would sneak away after the third dance… Oh, how angry father was,” she giggles. James smiles. 

“No one dances quite as gracefully as you, my sweet.”

“I worked very hard on it! What was I supposed to do while you were away in Antarctica, frolicking with penguins!” 

“Frolicking with penguins-” James cannot help his snort. “You dance much better than a penguin.” He laughs when she playfully hits his arm with her fan. 

“I would hope I do!” she laughs as she settles against his shoulder again. He smiles, leaning his head against her’s. He is careful not to crush the pink rose nestled among her curls. The swaying of the carriage and the sweet smell of roses lulls him into a shallow sleep, visions of parties from yesterday waltzing through his mind. 

He is startled when the rattling carriage finally comes to a stop out front of their door. With a gentle tap on Ann’s knee, he rouses her from her doze and helps her from the carriage. 

Inside, the great house is quiet at this late hour. The dim lights have been left on for them. He takes off his cloak, laying it over the arm of his chair in their sitting room. He doesn’t mind if it wrinkles now. 

“Coming to bed?” James asks. He looks up as he feels the warm night air sweep into the room. Ann stands by the open doorway to the terrace and the garden beyond. Lanterns burn brightly, illuminating the roses in golden, flickering light. 

The light reminds him of another golden night, chandeliers hanging from ship masts and dazzling mirrors reflecting that crystal light back on him. 

“It is so lovely this time of year,” Ann says quietly as James comes to stand by her side. “When you were away, I missed you most on nights like this, so warm and the birds sing until the sun sets. They reminded me that the ice would melt and you would come home.” She smiles up at him. James presses a kiss to her gloved hand.

“I wish you were there that night,” James says as he steps out onto the terrace. The golden adornments on his uniform twinkle like the stars above them. 

“Which night?” Ann smiles. 

“The ball we hosted at Van Diemen’s Land. Erebus has never looked so beautiful. A fairy ship,” James says. He can still see that night clearly, hear the music and smell the flowers that draped the ships. “We danced till the sun came up. And Francis, he…” James’s voice breaks. He takes a deep breath. 

“You had a ball in Antarctica too. Did you dance then? In the snow?” Ann asks gently. James smiles tearfully. 

“Y-Yes,” he hiccups. “Yes, we danced in the snow.” 

“What was it like?” Ann asks. James glances down at her, still stunned by how beautiful she is; the sweet glowing pink of her gown, the softness of the lace and the intoxicating scent of roses. Moths flutter around the lanterns. His fingers trace the lace on her shoulder. “How did you and Francis dance, James?” 

“Miss Ross,” James says. Ann raises an eyebrow as he plucks the fan from her hand. She laughs as he snaps it open and flutters it in front of his teary cheeks. “He called me Miss Ross.” 

“Oh… Well then, Miss Ross. How did you dance in the south?” 

“First, he bowed to me.” 

Ann giggles as she tries to bow, her pink and white skirts gathering on the stones. She straightens to look up at him, his smile hidden behind her pink fan. 

“And then what did you do, Miss Ross?” 

“He swept me into his arms and we began to waltz, the snow crunching under our boots,” he says as he closes the fan. Ann reaches for his hands, pulling him close. She tries her best to lead them in a waltz, teetering down the terrace steps out onto the soft grass; a blur of pink, lace and navy blue. She laughs as she tries to spin him around, balancing on her tiptoes so he might spin under her arm. The tails of his uniform fly around him. 

“And he pulled me close,” he says and Ann does the same, her arm around his waist. “And he would step on my boots… I did not mind.” Ann giggles as he lifts her up so she can stand on the toes of his boots, her dainty pink slippers soft against the polished leather. The tips of their noses brush together. “Standing so close..." James whispers, his lips almost meeting her’s. He can feel her warm breath on his cheeks. Her arms tighten around him. “I thought he might kiss me.” 

“And did he kiss you, Miss Ross?” 

James’s pink lips pull into a small smile.

Ann leans forward, capturing his smile in a warm kiss. Her silk-covered fingers clutch at the soft wool of his uniform, his own hands lost in the ruffles of lace and pink about her waist, the tiers reminding him of a delicious cake covered in icing and flowers made of sugar. Her breath is hot against his cheek. He feels himself drowning in the kiss just as he had that beautiful, cold night, holding on for dear life, for just one more second of closeness and warmth. 

So completely and utterly overwhelmed with love. 

Ann begins to pull away and he only leans closer, unable to let her go. She giggles against his lips, cupping his cheeks as she pulls away. “I should have thanked him,” Ann whispers. “For being such a good partner for my lovely, sweet Miss Ross.” He smiles, letting go of her hand to reach into his pocket, his fingers curling around the button there. He takes it out, holding it gently in his palm. Ann places her hand over his, the button safe between their palms. “Perhaps one day… we will all dance together again.” She takes a step back, leading James in a gentle waltz around the garden, the smell of roses lingering in the night air.

Soon the sun will rise but for now, they are content to sway slowly through the garden as if floating on the spring breeze. 


End file.
